There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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