last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
