FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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