He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize