I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
