For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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