I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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