hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
