hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize