PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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