Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Can I color on your dick again?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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