So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
