dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize