Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
