ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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