dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
