I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
