my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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