I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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