ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
