im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
