I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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