In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
