New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
