Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
