The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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