How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
