some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
