she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
