I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
