you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
