i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
