hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
