im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
