after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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