You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
