$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
