I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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