i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
