Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
