She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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