I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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