theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
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