According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
