the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
