Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
