did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Randomize
