Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize