Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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