i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
