Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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