We're facebook friends in real life
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
