Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I need help removing her.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
