I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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