I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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