shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
