Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
