we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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