He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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