I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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