I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
