do herpes really smell.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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