Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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