so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
it's like iHOP with fire
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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