The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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