I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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