I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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