This is not my ceiling
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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