I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
