Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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