he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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