you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
