those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
