apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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