im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
