i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You dont lie about slip and slides
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
