Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
