before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
