That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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