I hate your face
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
