So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
