You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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