In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
