You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
