I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
