um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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