We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
