Moan for me like Helen Keller
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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