I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
