Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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