If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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