i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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