Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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