I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
