That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
