Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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