I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
