Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
