I can text with my tongue
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
