me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
