yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize