I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
