No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he thought i was a dude.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
