I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize