If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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