Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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