Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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